Coming Out All Over Again

In the battle that lies ahead, the fight against the discriminatory anti-gay amendment to the Texas constitution, coming out could be a potent weapon.

 

I am happy to note that last week I got to put my commitment, about coming out and asking people to vote against the amendment, into practice.  I "came out" 15 years ago.  But coming out isn't a one-time shot.  It is a continuing process and in the coming months, we gay and lesbian Texans are going to have to look for ways to come out as often as possible.

 

I went to a dinner supporting People for the American Way (which has an Austin office and was apparently quite active on progressive issues in the legislature this past session).  I know, a People For (as they call themselves) dinner isn’t exactly the lions den, but I have to start somewhere.  In any event, after sitting down at our circular table of 10, and promptly having the lady seated next to me spill her red wine all over my suit coat, we started introducing ourselves.

 

It didn’t take long before one of my fellow dinner guests mentioned a man we knew in common and told the story of how he was disowned from his family because he left the orthodox temple and married a women who was not Jewish.  I thought to myself, I can relate.  It sounds like my coming out story.  And then it hit me.  Now is the perfect time to come out to these nine, total strangers and talk to them about the amendment.  So I did--after a milliseconds hesitation in which time I thought of 15 reasons how this could turn out badly--and the response was surprising even for that group.

 

I said, “I can relate.  When I told my parents I was gay, my mother got so angry that for three years we hardly spoke and when we did she invariably ended the conversation by telling me I was going to hell and that I was an embarrassment to them.”  I was speaking mostly to Susan, who had told the story about her friend.  But her mother-in-law was seated next to her and leaned toward Susan and said, “What did he do to his mother?” 

 

Then Susan leaned in and said, quite loudly, “No, she was upset because he came out to her and told her he was gay.”  I swear it was one of those moments where the noise level suddenly drops just a split second before the word “GAY” is blurted out.  You know what I mean.  It’s sort of an unwritten universal law similar to “objects in motion tend to stay in motion” or “what goes up must come down.”  Well, in a crowded room, when you’ve just come out, if the word “gay” is used it seems to suck up all the oxygen and conversation so that everyone in the room gets to hear it.

 

But what followed was heartening to say the least.  David, sitting next to me, launches into a tirade about the stupidity of the amendment and starts listing the ways “we need to fight it.” The lady who spilled her wine on me, started talking about her and her husband’s best friends in San Francisco who they’ve known since 1955, and how sad it is that they can’t enjoy the same rights other couples enjoy, and that we had to find a way to defeat this amendment.  Then Susan said she hoped that Texas was better than to pass such a needless and mean-spirited law.   They carried on like this for 5 minutes and only stopped when Alec Baldwin was introduced to speak (I had to throw that in so you knew I got to meet Alec who, by the way, is a really good speaker).

 

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

 

My point is this, even though that was a fairly safe setting, I had no idea there were straight allies that felt this strongly about defeating this amendment.  They are out there, and they will help.  David wants me email him today so that we can talk strategy.

 

Republicans Attack Dem Sheriff, Lupe Valdez

In response to this:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/

dn/latestnews/stories/062205dnmetjail.3194df86.html

I am disappointed that you would take the partisan bait from Ken Mayfield and help him deflect attention away from the Republican controlled Commissioners Court’s abysmal record on jail health. The Republicans hold a majority on the County Commissioners Court, as well as most posts in this state, and as with the School Finance debacle in Austin, the Republicans here at home cannot get their act together. But instead of pointing blame where it is due, the Republican controlled Court, you let Mayfield, a perennial underachiever, use the News to misdirect attention. Ask yourself this: when was the last time you heard Mayfield raise any concern about our inmates, let alone about their health? Why didn’t he raise concerns when all this began, and festered, under our Republican Sheriffs? This is an obvious political hatchet job against our Democratic Sheriff who has, in a short six months, begun to really turn things around at the county jail. Hopefully the do-nothing Mayfield will be out come 2006 and District 4 will have a competent, engaged commissioner not a political hit-man.

Dinner with Bob Casey, Senate Candidate PA

I had dinner with Bob Casey recently. He is running against Santorum in Pennsylvania. Casey is currently PA’s Treasurer and, unlike Santorum, Casey is a true fiscally responsible public servant. Casey’s dad was governor, so he has a lot of connections in and outside of PA. I found him warm and engaging one-on-one. He is not a fire breather, but is instead thoughtful and deliberate and assured. Compared to the lunatic Santorum, I think Casey will do very well.

Santorum will raise a lot of money, but to do so, he has to get in bed even further with the fringe right. The further down that path he goes, the more he alienates Pennsylvanians who are, by and large, moderate. And Santorum has to have $10 or $20 million in order to saturate the airwaves in an attempt to morph himself into someone more moderate and more in tune with everyday Pennsylvanians. He has proven adept at doing this in the past, and will likely do so again. Casey will need enough money to remind Pennsylvanians of the truth: Santorum is an extreme right-wing fanatic who is totally out of step with the concerns, beliefs and traditions of Pennsylvania—not to mention the fact that Santorum isn’t even a PA resident.

I’m sure this is not original, but one of the guests last night leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I call him Sanitorium." I laughed. He certainly appears to belong in a sanitarium. I am confident Casey can win. It will be up to all of us across the nation to help him. Defeating Santorum will be a glaring rejection of Bush’s extremism and could be the first step in returning our country to sanity.

Happy To Be Gay

In response to http://www.wacotrib.com/opin/content/news/opinion/
stories/2005/06/19/20050619wacjyoung19.html

Thank you for shining some light on the life and pain of Mr. Ball. I applaud your effort to expose Gov. Perry's heartless attack on GLBT people for the power grab that it is.

In deed, this is not about morality. It is not even about religion. It is about manipulating the fears and prejudices of people for political gain. Such cynical acts ought to be beneath a sitting elected official, but in modern-day Republican politics in this state, it is almost to be expected.

While I thank you for your column, I do take exception to one sentence. You say, "But if you are homosexual in Texas, sadness comes with the territory." Not only is this sentiment misplaced, it is actually dangerous. I do not know if you are gay, but I doubt you are. If you were gay, you would know how one of the hardest parts of coming out is the fear that, as a gay Texan, your life will be miserable. You believe this, not because of any empirical data proving it, or because of some innate truth inside of you, but because the images you are force fed and the references you come across often paint gay people as sad or depressed or outcast. It leaves a lot of gay teens feeling there is no option but to end their lives.

Well, I am gay and I love my life. I have an incredible soul-mate and lover with whom I share a monogamous relationship. We would marry, if we were allowed. We go to movies together, pay bills together, go on vacations together. I walk the dog in the morning and he walks her at night. I share my hopes and fears and joys and sadness with him and him with me. All in all, it is a really normal, but most often joyful life. And I love my community which is filled with caring, loving, strong and determined people.

Is it hard hearing that the governor of your state shared a stage with an out-of-state millionaire evangelist that spewed hatred from a podium emblazoned with the seal of the state of Texas? Yes, it hurts. Does it make me furious that the governor said nothing to defend Texas citizens from this televangelists brutal, hate-filled assaults? Absolutely. Is it tough thinking you live in a state where they will take your taxes but not give you equal rights? Most definitely.

But the saddest part of all for me is watching this great state, the state I love, be lowered and debased by a governor who is willing to trade the proud name of Texas for a few votes from an extreme fringe sect hell-bent on using the laws to force their narrow view of morality on others. Texas is better than that. We are better than that, and we deserve a governor who is better than that as well.

Thanks again for your column.

Speak Wright Addresses TEXVAC

The event was billed as "Legends and Rising Stars," and after making his way cautiously to the podium, while the over-flowing crowd gave him his first standing ovation, the 83 year-old former Speaker of the US House looked out over the crowd through those signature shaggy eye-brows and said, "In case you were wondering, I am one of the legends." The over-flowing crowed roared.

There are times even today, even with the obfuscating clamor and roar of the Republican noise machine, that I am reminded of why I am a Democrat. Last Thursday, at the Texas Values (TEXVAC) Ft. Worth Launch, listening to Speaker Jim Wright and five of our 11 freshman Democratic Texas House members, was one of those times.

Speaker Wright spoke for 20 minutes, without notes, to a transfixed audience. He spoke eloquently of true Texas values and how the future of the country, not just Texas, depends on the new breed of Democrats represented by the freshman in attendance. He reminded us that we are a party with a long history of great accomplishments, and we should wear the name Democrat with pride; that we are the party of progress and ideas and that the greatest advances in the history of this country--in education, the economy, healthcare, and civil and individual rights--are all the result of fearless Democratic leadership.

"I remember when we had our Young Democrats Convention in 1945." The Speaker recalled. "We, like these young legislators here, were determined to make a difference." He then relayed how delegates had drawn up a list of demands that, in his words, "sent the leadership into apoplexy."

"What were those radical demands?" he asked rhetorically. "Elimination of the poll tax; that we should do all in our power to hire and keep great teachers and to do that we should pay teachers at least ... are you ready? ... a whopping $2,000 dollars a year; and that women be allowed to serve on juries. Of course, all of these eventually came to pass. Oh, and one more demand we had back then, that we pass an anti-lynching law."

Speaker Wright then turned to the four freshmen Democrats standing off to his left, all of whom were in awe of this lion in winter, and looking at each in turn recited the following by heart:

"Politics is the most hazardous of all professions. There is not another in which a man can hope to do so much good for his fellow creatures; neither is there any in which by mere loss of nerve he may do such widespread harm; nor is there another in which he may so easily lose his own soul--With all the temptation and degradation that besets it, politics is still the noblest career man can choose."

After Speaker Wright, each freshman in attendance spoke for a few minutes introducing themselves and letting the crowd know what was in their hearts and minds. The Speaker had spoken with such conviction, and strength, and brilliance that when Mark Strama (Austin) took to the podium, he started by saying, "Now I see why they call him Mr. Speaker." Mark won his Austin seat by 550 votes over a first-term incumbent the Republicans had handpicked as a golden boy of their Party.

Each freshman was articulate and inspirational. And unlike the Republican party, our freshmen are a true cross-section of Texas, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, male, female. One of the speakers, Rafael Anchia, was just named as Texas legislature Rookie of the Year by Texas Monthly magazine. I could recite many powerful moments during their speeches.

After being there last night, I now see that the future of the Democratic Party in Texas is truly bright. If I were a Republican here, I'd be scared.

But the highlight of the evening had to be Speaker Wright.

At the end of his speech, Speaker Wright turned to the four freshman one more time and, in what can only be compared to a blessing and a passing of the torch, he said:

You are each embarking on this most noble career and at its end, many long and productive years from now, let it be said by us and a grateful nation, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Well done."

The crowd was again on their feet and applauding this icon of selfless public service.

We owe it to ourselves, and to those who have come before us, to remember the strong heritage, tradition, intellect and heart that forged this great Party. And we owe it to Speaker Wright, and many others, to honor their contributions and their sacrifices. In Speaker Wright's eyes and in his powerful, if aging, voice we can hear, and see, and feel the spirit that makes us all proud Democrats, the spirit that will right this country and make it yet again what it was meant to be: the bright shining beacon of freedom and equality and liberty for all.

The Texas Values in Action Coalition (TEXVAC), as you recall, is the new group that was in the news in June after Travis County DA, Ronnie Earle, spoke to their Dallas Launch and helped raise over $100,000 dollars to elect Democrats in North Texas. Their methods are anything but Democratic politics as usual, and they are taking it to the Republicans in one of the reddest and most important of the Red States, Texas.

The crowd included freshman Democratic state representatives Dr. Alma Allen, Rafael Anchia, Mark Strama, Hubert Vo and Marc Veasey--the rising stars.

You can learn more about them by visiting their web-site at:

Melting Like to Ice Caps in Montreal

So Montreal is hot! No, I mean it’s hot, as in really, really humid and about 98 degrees. So much for that theory of coming to Montreal to escape the Texas heat. It has to be cooler in Dallas and at least in Dallas we have air conditioning. I know, it would have been better for the environment if air-conditioning had never been invented. It destroys the ozone layer which even wrecks more havoc on the environment. Generally, I am very environmentally friendly, but right now I’m just hot and all I can think of is how wonderful air conditioning is. We went to dinner last night at 9 PM. The restaurant seated about 20, so intimate, and when we approached the front door, we noticed a floor-stand oscillating fan twisting left, then right, then left again. My heart sank. We’d walked only a block and a half to the restaurant from our B&B in The Village, and were already drenched with sweat. At that point I wasn’t even that concerned about how great, or even adequate, the food would be, only that it be cool and refreshing and relaxing. Instead, we arrive only to find that their one and only air-conditioning unit, a long, narrow slit of a contraption high on the all near the ceiling, was broken. Since the only place to stand was just inside the door, we stood there awaiting our table. Unfortunately, we also happened to be standing between the fan and the patrons, many of whom looked up from there plates or away from their companions long enough to glare at us. We shuffled a bit to one side, pressing ourselves against the wall and tried not to block the flow.

The restaurant is BYOB. We chose a Chateaux Nuef that turned out to need breathing, lots of it, and since the stifling heat made it hard for us to catch our breaths, I could relate. The food, however, was fantastic. I’d highly recommend it. I had the veal chop and Clint the duck.

Today we visited Olympic Park. Again the heat was wilting, the Metro stifling. We saw the Biodome and road the funicular to the top of the Tower. The view of Montreal was hazy through the humid air.

Tonight we are off to Old Montreal to a French restaurant there. The Grand Prix is in town this weekend and finding a reservation is difficult, but we are told the restaurant is superb and they definitely have AC. We called and made sure.

As we were walking along Sainte Catherine’s Street this afternoon a scary thought hit me, “If it’s this hot here, a thousand miles North of Texas, this much closer to the North Pole, surely the ice caps must be melting at an alarming rate.” Clint nodded, wiped his brow with the back of his hand, and we slogged on.

Realizing Relief in Montreal

Mid-way through a banking turn over Montreal last night as we made our final approach--the bright lights of the city stretching out beneath us, the Olympic stadium reaching up from the city like the raised command deck of a futuristic starship--I grew tearful, and I didn't know why. I've always wanted to visit Montreal, a French-speaking slice of the old world within three and a half hours of Dallas. I'd heard it was beautiful, energetic, and gay friendly with great restaurants, and night life. Just minutes earlier I was excited to be landing. Why the sadness? What changed? My mind sifted data trying to find the answer. Then it hit me. I wasn't sad so much as relieved or maybe a bit of both, but for different even if related reasons. For the first time in my life, I was about to land in a country where I was truly free and truly equal. I had not realized how tired I was from fighting, how stressed I was from the constant struggle. It's not like I think about it every day, but living in the US, perhaps especially in a Red State, is like existing in a constant low-grade state of siege, and it wears on us. One of the psychiatric associations recently called for recognition of our right to marry precisely because of the added stress our relationships are under due to the social stigma and lack of support structures. It takes a lot out of us, whether we realize it our not. I didn't realize it until my heart and mind gave an autonomic sigh of relief. I was sad for my country and the state it is in, how it has lost it's way and perhaps even it's soul. And I was relieved to know that we would soon be touching down in allied territory.